Day 42: World Mental Health Day

Today is World Mental Health Day, which is celebrated every year on October 10th. This year’s theme is mental health in the workplace. I texted Robert and said “Very fitting”, to which we replied with “LOL”.

I’ve read articles about depression and anxiety. I’ve read forums, comments from other people with mental health issues, hoping that from reading, I can apply it to my personal life. Most comments/stories are uplifting, how they’ve endured depression and go on with their lives. Of course there are some that are still struggling and still searching for that right dose of anti-depressant. I pick the ones that I can use and pray for the others who are struggling.

The last 2 weeks were fine and dandy, even at work. I did my work, didn’t get bothered with the people around me and went home. My weekends are filled with family visits. It has been awhile since I’ve had this peace in my life. Robert asked me last night how I am doing and I told him just that. He asked me if I think that it’s because of the medicine or maybe that I am no longer bothered by work. I stopped and thought for a second. It is definitely the medicine working but it could also be that I am trying to be busy at work. It could be a combination of both.

He said that he is happy that I found the good mix of medicine that worked for me. This is true. I’ve read forums where people have tried 2-3 different medications before they found the one that works. I didn’t experience any side effects as well, so I am really glad.

I can’t wait to off of my meds but for now, I am glad that it works for me. No more episodes in the morning, I don’t feel tired all the time and most importantly, I am no longer skipping work. According to WHO, “Our experience in the workplace is one of the factors determining our overall wellbeing.” I totally agree. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety which was caused by what I’ve been experiencing at work for a few months now.

I am happy with my progress right now and I am glad that mental health is being talked about. I just wish that we all be a little kind to one another. We need love, lots of it.

Day 35: Hello October

It is finally October.

I had my 1 month follow up appointment with our family doctor. My depression and anxiety scores went down from my last appointment and my doctor is really happy with my progress. She had confidence that I will get better and I am in that path. She decided to keep my medication dosage, since it is working well with me. She said to see her again after 3 months. I have to remember to make that appointment.

It is October 3rd and this is the first time in a few months that I felt normal. I am glad that the medicine is working for me and I am not having some bad side effects from it. *knocks on wood* My siblings decided to come visit and spend the night at the house. We cooked, sat at our backyard with the log lit up, telling stories and enjoying the cold breezy Saturday night. I knew why they came to visit and I appreciate that. I really felt the love and support from them. I consider myself very lucky.

It is October, so it means our birthdays and wedding anniversary are coming up. It is a very special month for us, and busy as well. I get to decorate for Halloween this year, and give out candies! I am very excited about that. We also get to see John Mulaney’s stand up comedy. We love, love that guy. Don’t know what we’ll do yet for our birthdays/anniversary, so we’ll see. A simple dinner will be good.

Hello October, here’s to a good month. Happy thoughts Mimay, happy thoughts.

Day 28: Be OK with myself

I got to meet my therapist today. I got a call late afternoon yesterday saying that they had a cancellation and if I can meet with him. I asked what time was the appointment and I was told 9am. I wasn’t planning on taking some time off from work but I decided to take the appointment.

We had a good talk. He asked how I was doing since I last saw him. Nothing really changed, I am still taking my medication and work was the same too. We started talking about how to change my perspective on how I see the situation. Yeah, sure, I am affected by what my co-workers are doing but why? Why does it matter so much, what they do or do not do. Why does their mere presence in the room gives me anxiety? These are questions that I don’t know the answer to and he said it’s ok. This is why we have therapy sessions is so we can talk about what’s going on and eventually come up with a game plan on how to handle things.

The whole hour flew by. While I was driving to work, there was something that he said that stuck with me — maybe that’s their personality.  I mean, sure. I am the type of person who sees the good in people so I can’t just accept that reasoning. That they are just mean. Simple as that.

Maybe that’s true and I can’t do anything about it. What I need to do is to accept my situation and be ok with it, I guess. I can’t really change their personalities, but I can control mine. I won’t be necessarily ok with how they treat me but at least I can dismiss the thoughts since I know that they are just like that. I am still not ok with that idea, but I am slowly getting it.

In 2 days, I will meet with our family doctor. She wanted to check how I’m doing with the medication and how my days are. Writing about it helps me remember my thoughts and feelings so it’ll be easier to tell her what’s been happening.

I can tell you, I’ve been doing way better now. I just have to continue this.

We got a new dog!

If you don’t know this already, we have 2 dogs, a rabbit, and 2 parakeets. I like animals but I never grew up having a pet. Robert, on the other hand, grew up around animals.

During our house hunting, one of our must have is a good size backyard – where our dogs can run around and we can hang out with them. We were lucky enough that the house that we loved has it. So every morning, we just let the dogs out, do their business, while we get ready for work.

Ever since we got the house, we’ve been looking into getting another dog. Like two dogs are not enough, right? We spent months going to different shelters but to our disappointment, we didn’t connect with any of the dogs that we visited. There was even one day that we went to 4 different shelters around Austin and Georgetown areas, but we got our rabbit, Snowball instead.

Last weekend, they had a big adoption event – 2017 Austin Strut Your Mutt and Texas Super Adoption at the Walter E. Long Park. I told Robert about the event days before but we never really planned on going. The day of the adoption event, we ended up driving downtown early enough that we decided to go check out the event. We’ve agreed that we’ll look but we don’t plan on adopting. That’s what I thought.

We were there bright and early at 7:30 am. The event doesn’t start until 8 am, so the different shelters were still setting up. We got to walk around the event grounds, people just thought that were volunteers. We got to see different dogs as they were brought in.

There was a particular one that caught my attention. Her name is June and she’s a 1-year-old Labrador mix. She was very quiet in her cage, she wasn’t barking even though there were a lot of dogs around her. She looks like she’s very calm, which we are looking for our future dog. I told Robert and we stood right by her cage, waiting for somebody to assist us so we can walk her. We were there at 7:30 am and I think by 8-ish, we were signing paperwork and talking to the person in charge of the shelter about June’s vaccination history and all the other details.

June was rescued from a shelter in Gonzales, Texas. The shelter got flooded because of Harvey. The shelter folks can’t get to the dogs to rescue them, that they had to throw in dog food for 3 days. As soon as the water receded, they took her to the Paws Shelter of Central Texas in Kyle. Then that morning, she was taken to Austin for the event.

Our dog’s story is cooler than yours, lol.

img_6303

The first 100 adoptions on the event were free and we were the first adoption of the day. How cool was that?! Even if we have to pay for June, we would.

 

We absolutely love her! It’s been 5 days since we adopted her and we can already see her personality. She and the other dogs are slowly getting along, but we know that it’ll get better once they all get used to each other.

So yeah, we have a new member in our family. Meet June, everybody.

PS.

Since I have that Instagram account for Allie and Carlie, I had to change it and add June. If you have an Instagram account, follow june_allie_carlie to see our dogs’ adventures.

Day 21: Called in sick

I had a good weekend — spent time with family, told stories. I also finally opened up about what’s going on with me these past few weeks. Opening up to them felt liberating. No more secrets, no more hiding. I’ve always had this stigma that being depressed and having anxiety is controllable. That I don’t need medication, I can just control my thoughts, everybody happy. But now I know it is not that easy.

I’ve noticed that I am having problems getting up on Mondays, right after the weekend. The thought of going to work makes me anxious, thoughts start running through my head that I can’t stop. Yesterday, Monday, was good. I was able to go to work with no problems. Once I got to work, well, that’s a different story. I can’t focus, I have to constantly get up and walk. I can’t just sit at my desk.

Today, was another story. I still take my anxiety medicine at night but when I woke up today, I felt like my heart was breaking. I can’t move, I feel very anxious. I spent a good 30 minutes with Robert trying to calm me down.

I called in sick from work.

I don’t understand why this is happening. I am tired of crying and not having the energy to do anything. I feel bad for Robert. I want this to stop so Robert can stop worrying.

But I can’t help it.

Tomorrow is another day. Hope it’ll be a lot better.