My Life in Pictures: Vol. 2

Saturday: Drove to San Antonio this past weekend to visit family. Robert drove his new car, we knew where we were driving to, but decided to give Apple CarPlay a try. I’m going to be honest, I prefer Google Maps over Apple, but the CarPlay was seamless. He’s got leather seats too and dual air controls. I loved it and I actually felt a little jealous with his new car but I’ve decided to stick with my CR-V.

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Had lunch at Culver’s. My brother is now the owner of Culver’s of San Antonio, so we decided to go visit and spend time with my family. So proud of what my brother accomplished. 🙂

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I was Mamu for the day. I miss my nieces.

Got my Puma x Hello Kitty t-shirt and shoes. My birthday came early — 9 months early.

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Sunday: They were giving away free balloons at HEB. Valentine’s passed but I can’t turn down a free balloon.

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My brother moved to Austin for work. He’s been staying with us for almost a month now and yesterday, we went apartment hunting. He did get an apartment and I am so happy for him.

Tiring day. Time for a nap.

I decided to make another batch of french macarons — made Strawberry Cheesecake macarons. I have a lot to learn and I need to clean my oven.

Day 171: Bake Your Anxiety Away

I had a bad panic attack this morning while I was driving to work. It has been awhile since I’ve felt this. I felt frozen, I didn’t know what to do, I texted Robert and I told him that I can’t go to work. He called and I just started crying.

I have no control. I can’t seem to tell myself that everything is going to be ok. I ended up going home, I can’t deal with life today.

Instead of staying in bed, I decided to bake. I stopped by a grocery store on my way home and bought ingredients for french macarons. I’ve never made one so I figured this would be a good challenge for me today.

I love baking. I would bake for my family, and that brought me joy. I would make cupcakes, cookies and brownies. I would make a batch of free sugar cookies for me and Robert and that would satisfy our sweet tooth. I find baking relaxing and makes me forget about other things.

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I made french macarons, it was a bit of a challenge but I’m happy with how these batch turned out. They might not be the prettiest but they definitely taste good.

I feel accomplished. I feel good about myself.

I should bake more often.

Day 170: My Support Group

Being diagnosed with depression and anxiety was all new to me. I had no idea what to do. I didn’t know where to even start so it was really helpful that I have my husband by my side as I go through this phase of my life.

Robert was the one who noticed that there’s something off. I am a very emotional person but when I started getting severe mood swings and sleeping too much, he was the one who raised the red flag. He knew what was going on with my work and he sees how it affected my mood and attitude.

He was there when I broke down one morning, before work. He was there to give me words of encouragement. He was with me when I went to our doctor, the day I got diagnosed with depression. He’s definitely my rock and I know I can depend on him. He would ask if I took my medicine. He asked how I was feeling and reassured me that everything is going to be ok.

After I was diagnosed, I told my parents. Depression was unheard of in my household when I was growing up. It’s either you have a fever or chicken pox – you go to the doctor, take some medicine and skip school to rest. When you are feeling down, you stop feeling sad. You do something fun. You pretty much mask your emotion until you forget about it. So when I told my parents that I have depression, for them it was something that I can brush off. My mom asked if I go to church regularly and if I pray. This is a typical response from a Catholic family. Pray to God and he will take care of your worries. I know my parents meant well. My mom knew that out of her 4 kids, I was the very fragile one. The emotional kid growing up. She said that she’ll pray for me.

Next, I told my siblings. This was very hard for me. Growing up, since I was the eldest sibling, I never showed weakness. I had to be the role model for my siblings. That’s what my parents expected of me. So when I had the talk with my brother and sister-in-law, they were both supportive but unsure of what they are hearing. How is it that I have depression. My life is stable – I have a house, a loving husband, and dogs who give unconditional love. They said that I can call them if I need somebody to talk to. They reminded me that I am able to get through this. A day after our conversation, they decided to visit me. They spent the weekend with us. That made my day.

Robert’s family welcomed me and my condition with open arms. They were the ones who reminded me that there’s nothing to be ashamed of because I have depression. Talking to them so openly about my situation, made me feel like I am not an outcast and that this does not change who I am as a person.

Having a strong support system made me feel that I am not alone during this time. I have a couple of friends from work who knows about my situation and they very kind and understanding as well. Words of encouragement. Robert is there for me when I relapse. People who won’t judge me for what I am going through but help me get better. This is very important for somebody who is experiencing such a difficult time.

This post was inspired by Buzzfeed’s How to Help Your Partner If They Have A Mental Illness. 

 

Failed Valentines – Or so I thought

Look at what your dog did.

I gave Robert a face of disbelief. I got home from work around 6pm. I left work later than usual because of some testing that I needed to do. I was stuck in traffic because of rush hour and the last thing I needed to hear is that my dog (I don’t know who it is, I’m pretty sure it’s June), made a mess that I had to clean up.

Good thing Robert already made dinner, he was taking the pizza out of the oven while I was walking in. On my way home, I already had a plan – I will make dinner, my specialty dish – Bowtie pasta with Italian sausage and watch the Olympics or anything on TV. Robert made pizza and Fixer Upper is on. This is not the plan I had in mind, but I like this idea too.

I took the dogs outside, and when they all came in, they went straight to our bed and now there’s mud everywhere.

It’s been raining the whole day. I was looking forward to going home and relaxing. Well, not anymore. I just lost it when Robert said there’s mud everywhere. I just changed our bedsheets a couple of days ago and now it’s dirty again? Our WHITE comforter is also new. I can’t believe this is happening. As we walk in our room, I already have a game plan — Change sheets, eat dinner while doing laundry. Chores. My plan of relaxing, maybe watching TV is now out the window.

I walk into our room and I look straight at our bed. It looks clean, no mud. I turn to face Robert, about to ask him if he is seeing something that I am not. All I see is his smiling face, a vase full of red roses and chocolate covered strawberries.

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Happy Valentine’s, Babe.

He did it again, he surprised me. I stood there, laughing and hugging him. I was so upset with how I thought our night will turn out but this was all part of his plan.

He finished making dinner, and we watched Fixer Upper. The chocolate covered strawberries were yummy.

This night is better than how I’ve imagined.

How did I get so lucky?

My Own Space

When we got our house, I told Robert that one of the rooms will be turned to our office. We both agreed that the room in the front would be the ideal space. So as soon as we moved into our house, we bought a (dining) table from IKEA to serve as our office table. I like the look and colour of it.

Since the office is in the front part of our house, we don’t get to use it as much. We usually use our dining table (the real one), since we like to talk to each other while we are doing our work. So our table serves as our work table, with lots of junk and where we eat dinner. Our office served as a storage room that we rarely use.

For weeks now, my Mac has been having problems connecting to the internet through wifi. Some days I would get lucky and get a connection but most of the time, I would use my phone as a hotspot if I need to use my laptop. It has been a pain as of late so I decided to buy an ethernet cable and finally use our office.

The next day, I went to Target to buy some desk accessories. That same night, I started organizing my office — I said mine because Robert doesn’t want to use the room. This meant that I can put whatever I want and design however I want my office to look like.

Before

 

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After

I finished cleaning up today. And I am writing this blog post here in my office. It feels good to have my own space. My own space where I can personalize and put a lot of Hello Kitty and cute decors. I still need to organize my bills and letters but that could be done another day.

I can read books here too. I can listen to music. I can write more. My space where I can gather my thoughts. I’m digging this. Now, where can I find a floating bookshelf?