After giving much thought about it last week, I finally decided to contact my doctor and set up an appointment to see her. My reason? “Evaluation for depression”. That’s what Robert told me to put on my online appointment form.
I’ve had bad days before but this is different. I don’t feel like myself, no energy. I feel sad at times and my anxiety attack becomes so frequent that I am having a hard time going to work. I know what’s causing my depression if I do get that diagnosis.
I am tired of having bad days that I cry all the time. I am tired of feeling sorry and guilty of something that I did. I am tired of listening to the voices in my head and overthinking every single scenario of what could and might happen. I am tired of being a victim, it’s time to do something.
And I think going to the doctor and admitting something is wrong is the first step. It took me a while to even admit to myself that I need help. I can’t be depressed, I can just shake this off, right? But I am waving my white flag and accepting defeat.
I hope I get better. We’ll see what the doctor says.