Day 28: Be OK with myself

I got to meet my therapist today. I got a call late afternoon yesterday saying that they had a cancellation and if I can meet with him. I asked what time was the appointment and I was told 9am. I wasn’t planning on taking some time off from work but I decided to take the appointment.

We had a good talk. He asked how I was doing since I last saw him. Nothing really changed, I am still taking my medication and work was the same too. We started talking about how to change my perspective on how I see the situation. Yeah, sure, I am affected by what my co-workers are doing but why? Why does it matter so much, what they do or do not do. Why does their mere presence in the room gives me anxiety? These are questions that I don’t know the answer to and he said it’s ok. This is why we have therapy sessions is so we can talk about what’s going on and eventually come up with a game plan on how to handle things.

The whole hour flew by. While I was driving to work, there was something that he said that stuck with me — maybe that’s their personality.  I mean, sure. I am the type of person who sees the good in people so I can’t just accept that reasoning. That they are just mean. Simple as that.

Maybe that’s true and I can’t do anything about it. What I need to do is to accept my situation and be ok with it, I guess. I can’t really change their personalities, but I can control mine. I won’t be necessarily ok with how they treat me but at least I can dismiss the thoughts since I know that they are just like that. I am still not ok with that idea, but I am slowly getting it.

In 2 days, I will meet with our family doctor. She wanted to check how I’m doing with the medication and how my days are. Writing about it helps me remember my thoughts and feelings so it’ll be easier to tell her what’s been happening.

I can tell you, I’ve been doing way better now. I just have to continue this.

We got a new dog!

If you don’t know this already, we have 2 dogs, a rabbit, and 2 parakeets. I like animals but I never grew up having a pet. Robert, on the other hand, grew up around animals.

During our house hunting, one of our must have is a good size backyard – where our dogs can run around and we can hang out with them. We were lucky enough that the house that we loved has it. So every morning, we just let the dogs out, do their business, while we get ready for work.

Ever since we got the house, we’ve been looking into getting another dog. Like two dogs are not enough, right? We spent months going to different shelters but to our disappointment, we didn’t connect with any of the dogs that we visited. There was even one day that we went to 4 different shelters around Austin and Georgetown areas, but we got our rabbit, Snowball instead.

Last weekend, they had a big adoption event – 2017 Austin Strut Your Mutt and Texas Super Adoption at the Walter E. Long Park. I told Robert about the event days before but we never really planned on going. The day of the adoption event, we ended up driving downtown early enough that we decided to go check out the event. We’ve agreed that we’ll look but we don’t plan on adopting. That’s what I thought.

We were there bright and early at 7:30 am. The event doesn’t start until 8 am, so the different shelters were still setting up. We got to walk around the event grounds, people just thought that were volunteers. We got to see different dogs as they were brought in.

There was a particular one that caught my attention. Her name is June and she’s a 1-year-old Labrador mix. She was very quiet in her cage, she wasn’t barking even though there were a lot of dogs around her. She looks like she’s very calm, which we are looking for our future dog. I told Robert and we stood right by her cage, waiting for somebody to assist us so we can walk her. We were there at 7:30 am and I think by 8-ish, we were signing paperwork and talking to the person in charge of the shelter about June’s vaccination history and all the other details.

June was rescued from a shelter in Gonzales, Texas. The shelter got flooded because of Harvey. The shelter folks can’t get to the dogs to rescue them, that they had to throw in dog food for 3 days. As soon as the water receded, they took her to the Paws Shelter of Central Texas in Kyle. Then that morning, she was taken to Austin for the event.

Our dog’s story is cooler than yours, lol.

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The first 100 adoptions on the event were free and we were the first adoption of the day. How cool was that?! Even if we have to pay for June, we would.

 

We absolutely love her! It’s been 5 days since we adopted her and we can already see her personality. She and the other dogs are slowly getting along, but we know that it’ll get better once they all get used to each other.

So yeah, we have a new member in our family. Meet June, everybody.

PS.

Since I have that Instagram account for Allie and Carlie, I had to change it and add June. If you have an Instagram account, follow june_allie_carlie to see our dogs’ adventures.

Day 21: Called in sick

I had a good weekend — spent time with family, told stories. I also finally opened up about what’s going on with me these past few weeks. Opening up to them felt liberating. No more secrets, no more hiding. I’ve always had this stigma that being depressed and having anxiety is controllable. That I don’t need medication, I can just control my thoughts, everybody happy. But now I know it is not that easy.

I’ve noticed that I am having problems getting up on Mondays, right after the weekend. The thought of going to work makes me anxious, thoughts start running through my head that I can’t stop. Yesterday, Monday, was good. I was able to go to work with no problems. Once I got to work, well, that’s a different story. I can’t focus, I have to constantly get up and walk. I can’t just sit at my desk.

Today, was another story. I still take my anxiety medicine at night but when I woke up today, I felt like my heart was breaking. I can’t move, I feel very anxious. I spent a good 30 minutes with Robert trying to calm me down.

I called in sick from work.

I don’t understand why this is happening. I am tired of crying and not having the energy to do anything. I feel bad for Robert. I want this to stop so Robert can stop worrying.

But I can’t help it.

Tomorrow is another day. Hope it’ll be a lot better.

That Time We Went to Singapore and the Philippines (PART 2)

*Part 1 of our Singapore-Philippines trip is here*

We arrived on a Sunday. There was a line in the immigration but it wasn’t that bad. After immigration, we were greeted by a sea of people holding signs, waiting for their loved ones. I didn’t get to text my cousin since I can’t connect to the airport wifi, all I know is that they are waiting for us. After a few minutes of walking around, I saw my cousin and niece. That was when it finally sunk in, we are really in Manila.

When Robert would ask me about the weather in the Philippines, I would tell him that it is way hotter in Manila than Austin. Humidity is bad too. Well, he proved me wrong. He didn’t complain about the heat or humidity during our whole stay. It sounds funny how I am the one who ended up sweating the whole time and he felt comfortable. Good for him.

I think Robert didn’t realize how many friends and family members I have that we had to meet a different group for lunch and dinner, every day. He might have been overwhelmed with the whole experience but he was a good sport about it and wanted to meet everybody.

One item on my list that Robert needs to go visit is the house that I grew up in. We decided to go there before heading to lunch with my cousin. I can’t describe the feeling once we were in front of the house. It was so surreal — Robert is there, with me. He’s heard a lot of stories about that house and I was so happy that he got to be there and see it. We took a couple of pictures, said hi to our neighbors and headed home. It was a short but sweet visit.

We spent 2 weeks in the Philippines, ate Jollibee and Taco Bell since Robert missed Mexican food. He said that Taco Bell is better in the Philippines, I thought it was the same taste, lol. From meeting friends, to knowing a little bit of Philippine history, and then spending a day at a resort with my aunts and cousins — our trip was so worth it and we have so many memories that we will treasure.

Oh yeah, he got to ride the Jeepney, of course. 🙂

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We’ve talked about visit again in a few years, we definitely had fun during our visit. Hopefully, we can stay a little bit longer next time. 🙂

Day 16: Thanks The Awkward Yeti

I am doing my morning Facebook scrolling when I saw this image by The Awkward Yeti. For somebody who’s dealing with depression and anxiety, this picture spoke to me. It served as my Thursday wake up call – “Carme, life is not bad, you just have to look at the good things that’s happening”.

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I am very much guilty of looking and concentrating on the bad things that’s been happening instead of enjoying what life has in store for me. I tend to overthink about situations that it tends to cloud my perspective on things. I don’t like the work environment that I am in right now. That’s what’s causing my anxiety attacks. I much prefer focus on this than the fact that I enjoy the work itself.

After thinking it through, I can’t really complain about my life right now. The good ALWAYS out weighs the bad — and I have to have that mindset. I have a loving husband, 2 amazing dogs, supportive family and friends. A roof under my head and we won’t get hungry. Life is good and yet, I focus on the bad.

It is all in how we see things. This comic is very helpful with what I am going through in life right now.

Thank you so much The Awkward Yeti.