Day 21: Called in sick

I had a good weekend — spent time with family, told stories. I also finally opened up about what’s going on with me these past few weeks. Opening up to them felt liberating. No more secrets, no more hiding. I’ve always had this stigma that being depressed and having anxiety is controllable. That I don’t need medication, I can just control my thoughts, everybody happy. But now I know it is not that easy.

I’ve noticed that I am having problems getting up on Mondays, right after the weekend. The thought of going to work makes me anxious, thoughts start running through my head that I can’t stop. Yesterday, Monday, was good. I was able to go to work with no problems. Once I got to work, well, that’s a different story. I can’t focus, I have to constantly get up and walk. I can’t just sit at my desk.

Today, was another story. I still take my anxiety medicine at night but when I woke up today, I felt like my heart was breaking. I can’t move, I feel very anxious. I spent a good 30 minutes with Robert trying to calm me down.

I called in sick from work.

I don’t understand why this is happening. I am tired of crying and not having the energy to do anything. I feel bad for Robert. I want this to stop so Robert can stop worrying.

But I can’t help it.

Tomorrow is another day. Hope it’ll be a lot better.