Day 63: Hello from Pumpkin Pi!

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Because it’s Halloween, I decided to dress up for work today — a pumpkin pi. It was so easy to create and I get to wear a t-shirt all day — comfort is a must for me. There were 2 or 3 people who got my costume and thought it was cool. There was one guy who called me Pumpkin Head and most of them found my pumpkin headband cute. Not the response I was hoping for but it’s ok. I dressed up for me.

Day 63 of taking my medication. I am doing a lot better and I haven’t had a seriously bad episode the whole month, except for that day when I had Monday anxiety. I coined that term “Monday anxiety” because it would be Mondays that I would feel anxious for some odd reason. I am still calling this month a win for me. YAAAAAAY! That’s 31 days of not feeling down or sad. It is a bit manageable at work, I am trying to stay busy with tasks and I don’t let anything else affect me. That’s all I can do right now and I am ok with that.

I cancelled my therapy sessions. I had 2 sessions and I believe that it was enough. I am doing a lot better with how I process my thoughts. If a thought comes up, I stop and figure out if this thought will make me feel sad or not. Is it relevant to what I am doing in that moment or is it a distraction. Once I’ve categorized my thought, I either take action or dismiss it. It sounds easy while I am typing it but no. In my head, I just picture different filters and my thought goes through every single one of them. This helps me a lot.

I have 4 more months that I have to take the medicine and I am really happy that I found the good mix of medication. I’m hoping that the next few months be good to me.

The Sunday Currently: Vol. 1

Hello there. Since I am trying to write as often as I can, I decided to try writing my version of The Sunday Currently. This is also a good way for me to decompress what happened this week and plan for the week ahead. So here goes.

Last Monday-Wednesday, Robert and I celebrated our birthdays and 2nd wedding anniversary. It was a 3-day celebration which involved having dinner with his parents, sushi date and standup comedy on a Tuesday. We received a lot of greetings from family and friends, from social media, text messages and phone calls. It’s funny because Robert and I try to out gift each other. But I realized that I will lose every year because my birthday comes after his and our anniversary. So he can one-up me every. single. time. Oh well. More gifts for me then, lol.

I ordered a Panda Planner and I got it last Friday. I was so excited when I got my planner but was a bit disappointed when I found out that it won’t even last me a full year. The planner is supposed to last 3-6 months, depending on how often you use it. Ummm, I use my planner every day, so I don’t think Panda Planner is right for me. I am now looking at getting a Passion Planner since I’ve heard good things about it. We’ll see what planner I actually get.

It was a lazy weekend for us. The past few weekends were very busy so it was nice to just relax and do nothing for two days. It was pretty much football all day and dog naps. Here’s our baby June, sleeping peacefully.

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So yeah, another work week ahead. I’m looking forward to Tuesday because of Halloween. I don’t have a costume this year,¬†even our dogs. I had all these ideas for a good costume but never did anything about it. Oh well. I am excited to give out candies since this is our first year to do so. There’s also a trunk or treat at Robert’s high school, so we’ll do that as well.

Last two days of October. This month flew by. Before we know it, it’s already Christmas.

 

Today, I’m 33

Another year older, I hope I am a year wiser too.

32 has been an interesting year for me. A mix of good, not so good and challenging events happened all through out the year. The good things definitely outweighs the bad but because I am me, I tend to focus more on what is wrong with my life than appreciate the good. I’ve learned so much about myself this past year and I am still learning. I don’t think I’ll stop questioning life and the curve balls thrown at me, but at least I am now trying to understand what lesson I can learn from all this instead of pretending that it doesn’t exist. Being diagnosed with depression and anxiety was the biggest challenge in the past year that I didn’t know I have to go through. I am now slowly trying to be more mindful and acknowledging the feeling. I just care too much and I can’t change that with me, but I can draw some boundaries to protect myself too.

We did some traveling this past year too. The big one was our Singapore and Philippines trip this past summer. I am glad that I get to share my culture with Robert. He had fun too, he even said that we should plan our next international trip. I would like that.

There was a major adulting event that happened this year. We purchased a house last March. That was one process that I would not like to do again anytime soon. I am just glad that Robert pays attention to all the documents and forms that we had to fill out. It was a very stressful month, from the gathering of forms and pay stubs all the way to closing and eventually moving. We’ve been in the house for 6 months now and we are settled in. We still need to buy some decorations but we are not rushing to do that.

My dog parent game is on point this past year. I didn’t think that this will happen, ever, in my lifetime but I am now a dog mom for 3 dogs. I love them so much. They just make my day better, except when they have “accidents” in the house, then Robert and I will fight it out who gets to clean it up.

33. I’m happy to be turning 33. Looking forward to my next adventures!

Day 55: Birthdays, Anniversary and Mental Health

I am happy with my progress. It has been a full month and a few days that I haven’t had an episode of sadness or anxiety. I did felt a little anxious for a few hours 2 Fridays ago but it wasn’t that bad. I still have this small episodes, but they are all manageable.

Today is day 55 of taking medication. I felt fine this morning while getting ready for work but now, at 12:22pm, I am feeling anxious. I think I know what’s causing it. Aside from the people, it’s also the thought of completing my work and not having anything to do afterwards. That’s why I am writing to maybe help me relax and stop worrying.

I started feeling anxious a little before lunch, so I walked over to my co-worker’s office and started chatting with her. That usually helps me stop having thoughts but it didn’t help this time around. I came back to my desk feeling more anxious and not knowing what to do. When Robert asked me if I am having a good day, I lied and said yes.

Today is Robert’s birthday, which is the reason why I lied to him. I want him to have a good day today and not worry about me. He’s been having a fun birthday so far, since his co-workers surprised him with a birthday banner and gift. After work, we are going to dinner with his parents to celebrate him so I have to be ok before then.

I’ve been doing pep-talks to myself. That I should feel happy because it’s my husband’s birthday. I am, don’t get me wrong, but this anxiety is winning over the feeling of gladness and joy. I have to remind myself that these thoughts have no weight on how my day should be going. I am fine, I have a task to work on. I’ll get another task to work on once I am done with this.

Tomorrow is our anniversary and the following day is my birthday. Since last week, I’ve been praying that I have good days at work, without feeling sad or anxious. I just want our birthdays and anniversary to pass without any problems or worries. But I think, based on what I am currently feeling, I might fail.

I don’t want this right now. I don’t need this right now. But it is what it is. I just have to be mindful of what I am currently feeling, acknowledge it and let it go. The letting go part is where I am having troubles with.

Day 42: World Mental Health Day

Today is World Mental Health Day, which is celebrated every year on October 10th. This year’s theme is mental health in the workplace. I texted Robert and said “Very fitting”, to which we replied with “LOL”.

I’ve read articles about depression and anxiety. I’ve read forums, comments from other people with mental health issues, hoping that from reading, I can apply it to my personal life. Most comments/stories are uplifting, how they’ve endured depression and go on with their lives. Of course there are some that are still struggling and still searching for that right dose of anti-depressant. I pick the ones that I can use and pray for the others who are struggling.

The last 2 weeks were fine and dandy, even at work. I did my work, didn’t get bothered with the people around me and went home. My weekends are filled with family visits. It has been awhile since I’ve had this peace in my life. Robert asked me last night how I am doing and I told him just that. He asked me if I think that it’s because of the medicine or maybe that I am no longer bothered by work. I stopped and thought for a second. It is definitely the medicine working but it could also be that I am trying to be busy at work. It could be a combination of both.

He said that he is happy that I found the good mix of medicine that worked for me. This is true. I’ve read forums where people have tried 2-3 different medications before they found the one that works. I didn’t experience any side effects as well, so I am really glad.

I can’t wait to off of my meds but for now, I am glad that it works for me. No more episodes in the morning, I don’t feel tired all the time and most importantly, I am no longer skipping work. According to WHO, “Our experience in the workplace is one of the factors determining our overall wellbeing.”¬†I totally agree. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety which was caused by what I’ve been experiencing at work for a few months now.

I am happy with my progress right now and I am glad that mental health is being talked about. I just wish that we all be a little kind to one another. We need love, lots of it.