Day 134-136: Change is not always good

Happy New Year everybody!

Last January 10, I went to see my doctor for my follow up appointment. August 2017 seemed like a long time ago, but here I am now, almost 5 months into taking my medication. I’ve been taking an anti-depressant and anxiety medication this whole time and like I said in my posts, I found the right dose that makes me productive and live a normal life. This follow up appointment meant that my 6 months is almost up and we have to figure out a course of action moving forward. I don’t plan on taking medications my whole life, I am still hopeful that I am able to gradually stop taking my meds and eventually not relying on it.

My visit was good. My doctor has a plan for me – I’m currently taking Lexapro for my depression and Hydoxyzine for anxiety, she wants me to continue Lexapro but stop taking Hydroxyzine and take Buspar instead. She originally prescribed me with Buspar, took it for 2 days and I had to stop. I started shaking and having bad panic attacks. She eventually prescribed me with Hydroxyzine, which I had no problems with. She wanted me to switch to Buspar, for personal reasons, which I am hesitant at first, but I understood why. She knew my history with this medication, so she said to try it for 5 days, see how I feel. If I didn’t get any side effects, I’ll cut my Lexapro in half, try it for a week, eventually take it every other day until I can stop. Then I should take Buspar twice a day, until I feel that I don’t need to take any medication. Sounds like a good plan to me. I went home, made dinner then took my medication that night.

I woke up the next day, miserable. The shaking came back and I was not able to get out of bed because of all the thoughts running through my head. It was so noisy and the shaking won’t stop that I had to hug Robert tight just to calm me down. I skipped work that day – I don’t want to drive with this condition and I know I won’t be productive at work either. I knew it was the Buspar. Robert suggested that I don’t take it for another day,  since I have to go to work, and take it during the weekend. We have a 3-day weekend coming up, so it would be perfect. But I don’t want to take the medicine. I don’t want to feel anxious anymore, I felt horrible. Robert suggested that I let my doctor know, maybe she can recommend something else to take.

I have no idea why my body hates Buspar. It is January 12, I didn’t take the medicine last night and I got up with no problems this morning. I still feel a bit hazy but I went to work and carried on. I am still waiting for a reply from my doctor, I hope she can recommend something else. Or maybe I don’t have to take my anxiety medicine anymore? Maybe this is a chance to ease off of it?

Maybe.

Update: I received a green light from my doctor’s PA and agreed with my plan – stop taking my anxiety medicine and then ease off my anti-depressant. This is awesome. We’ll see how I do. Wish me luck .