Because of my depression, I am slowly relearning about myself. I am also starting to get a little more conscious about my actions and I try to stay in tune with my emotions. For months, I’ve been talking to a good friend of mine at work. She is willing, able to listen (when she’s not swamped with work) and help me figure out what’s been going on with my life. She’s not one to force her opinions, she’ll let me decide on what I have to do. Listening to her gives me a little more perspective and it helps a lot.
I recently spoke to her. After our conversation, she said I need some me time. Some relaxing time for myself, to do something that I love doing, without thinking/worrying about anything else. It is helpful, especially for my depression, to stop and decompress. I value her advice and after that conversation, I did realize that I don’t have any time for myself anymore.
We went out for dinner and bought some groceries. When we got home, I started cleaning the kitchen, putting away laundry and feeding the dogs. I had to stop myself, while washing pans, when I realized that I am doing the exact opposite of relaxing. I could easily pick up a book and read but when I see that things need to be done around the house, I do that instead. So I’ve decided right then and there to stop cleaning, this is of course after I finished washing pans.
I went ahead and changed into my PJs, made some tea (I am drinking Chinese Herb Medicine now, which would be another post), and sat down. Since my tea is still hot, I started playing with my phone. I heard Robert calling me – “Babe, wanna help me put up our lights outside?” We bought some solar light posts for our front yard. I helped him assemble the posts and went outside to set them up. The lights turned out great. Headed back inside, I remembered my tea. It is almost ready to drink, when I heard Robert calling for me again — “Wanna drive around the block so we can check how our lights look?” I agreed, jumped up his truck and we are off. The lights are a bit dim from afar, but works fine. Got home, went to the kitchen and finally got to drink my tea. Then it was time to let the dogs out, iron clothes and get ready for bed.
I don’t see anything bad with this situation, but now I understand how this could be bad for my mental health. I am constantly on the go, always on my phone, there’s always something to do. My brain wants me to relax, but it is also my brain that wants me to be productive. I need a good balance.
Knowing this now, my goal is to have some alone time. Read a book, write more, chat with friends. Chores are always going to be there, but I also need to think about myself. I already know that this is going to be hard but challenge accepted.