Day 180: I Showed Up!


Friday afternoon, I found out that our team lead is out next week. I remained calm but deep inside, I felt anxious that I will be left alone with my co-workers. But after a few minutes, I decided not to worry about it too much. It’s Friday, I have the weekend to look forward to. I’ll deal with the situation next week.

The weekend came and went. I did have a good weekend but I think I ate something bad that my stomach decided to rebel against me. Sunday night, while watching the closing ceremony, my tummy still hurting, my anxiety resurfaced. There’s no turning back, it’s either I got to work and deal with the situation or call in sick because of my stomach bug. I also thought about coming in late. The meeting is at 10 am, so I can just email everybody that I’ll be in after lunch. But I stopped my thoughts, and decided to deal with my fear. I took Pepto-Bismol and called it a night.

I woke up this morning, no more stomach ache. I got ready and drove to work while giving myself pep talk. I have nothing to be worried about. I know what I am working on. I can talk to them like a professional team member. It was a calm drive to work, while listening to Second Date Update.

I got to work, checked my email and wrote down the items that I have to talk about during our meeting. I am still a bit nervous but having a cheat sheet helped. Just be professional. Show that you respect them.

Meeting ended like a breeze. I am glad that I showed up, ready to face them. Ready to face my fear. I can hear this tiny voice inside my head – “See, you were worried about nothing”. Having anxiety and not able to control it, this is such a big deal for me. I could easily make up an excuse and avoid the whole ordeal but I am glad that I didn’t. I showed up, life.

I feel like a winner.

Image Credits to The Awkward Yeti.