That Time We Went to Singapore and the Philippines (PART 2)

*Part 1 of our Singapore-Philippines trip is here*

We arrived on a Sunday. There was a line in the immigration but it wasn’t that bad. After immigration, we were greeted by a sea of people holding signs, waiting for their loved ones. I didn’t get to text my cousin since I can’t connect to the airport wifi, all I know is that they are waiting for us. After a few minutes of walking around, I saw my cousin and niece. That was when it finally sunk in, we are really in Manila.

When Robert would ask me about the weather in the Philippines, I would tell him that it is way hotter in Manila than Austin. Humidity is bad too. Well, he proved me wrong. He didn’t complain about the heat or humidity during our whole stay. It sounds funny how I am the one who ended up sweating the whole time and he felt comfortable. Good for him.

I think Robert didn’t realize how many friends and family members I have that we had to meet a different group for lunch and dinner, every day. He might have been overwhelmed with the whole experience but he was a good sport about it and wanted to meet everybody.

One item on my list that Robert needs to go visit is the house that I grew up in. We decided to go there before heading to lunch with my cousin. I can’t describe the feeling once we were in front of the house. It was so surreal — Robert is there, with me. He’s heard a lot of stories about that house and I was so happy that he got to be there and see it. We took a couple of pictures, said hi to our neighbors and headed home. It was a short but sweet visit.

We spent 2 weeks in the Philippines, ate Jollibee and Taco Bell since Robert missed Mexican food. He said that Taco Bell is better in the Philippines, I thought it was the same taste, lol. From meeting friends, to knowing a little bit of Philippine history, and then spending a day at a resort with my aunts and cousins — our trip was so worth it and we have so many memories that we will treasure.

Oh yeah, he got to ride the Jeepney, of course. 🙂

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We’ve talked about visit again in a few years, we definitely had fun during our visit. Hopefully, we can stay a little bit longer next time. 🙂

Day 16: Thanks The Awkward Yeti

I am doing my morning Facebook scrolling when I saw this image by The Awkward Yeti. For somebody who’s dealing with depression and anxiety, this picture spoke to me. It served as my Thursday wake up call – “Carme, life is not bad, you just have to look at the good things that’s happening”.

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I am very much guilty of looking and concentrating on the bad things that’s been happening instead of enjoying what life has in store for me. I tend to overthink about situations that it tends to cloud my perspective on things. I don’t like the work environment that I am in right now. That’s what’s causing my anxiety attacks. I much prefer focus on this than the fact that I enjoy the work itself.

After thinking it through, I can’t really complain about my life right now. The good ALWAYS out weighs the bad — and I have to have that mindset. I have a loving husband, 2 amazing dogs, supportive family and friends. A roof under my head and we won’t get hungry. Life is good and yet, I focus on the bad.

It is all in how we see things. This comic is very helpful with what I am going through in life right now.

Thank you so much The Awkward Yeti.

Day 14: New medicine and a visit

Day 13 was bad – I skipped work because of it. I was crying before going to work, I had a very bad episode. I can see the sadness in Robert’s eyes, it was so bad.

Because of this, I asked my doctor to prescribe me another kind of anxiety medication because the other one doesn’t work as good. She sent the medication to my pharmacy and I picked it up. I am supposed to take this medication at night since it’ll cause drowsiness. I took it last night before going to bed. I woke up this morning, alert but I feel like I am floating. Robert said that it is normal to feel that way. I didn’t have any problems getting ready for work.

During my family doctor’s visit, my doctor sent a request for a psychologist to talk to me. It was scheduled for today, so I went before work. It was an hour long session and I found out (based on my answers), that I have mild depression.

I like talking about what I am going through. It helps me think about stuff and hearing me say things out loud, makes me more aware of what’s going on and what might be causing my depression. He gave me homework – pretty much write down the times that I feel depressed, what triggered it, what I thought of that moment and what I did. We’ll see how and when I get to use it.

Being mindful. That is what I should do. That my feelings are valid, I am feeling depressed and now I have to do something about it.

Day 7: Update

I can’t believe it has been a week.

The first few days were rough. The medication started kicking in and I noticed, for the first 2 days that I would start shaking for no reason. I would be holding my phone to text and I can see my thumb shaking. I felt very anxious too, like I can’t sit still. I have a desk job so I have to sit 8 hours a day.

I decided to try meditation. I started reading about it and found a few Youtube videos that I can listen to while at work to calm me down. They are hour long videos so I can leave it playing while I work. I also started getting up, taking breaks and going outside. I noticed that doing so helped me focus on something else and not be anxious with work.

After two days of taking my anxiety medicine, I decided to stop. This was causing  my hands to shake and I don’t want that. Good thing that my doctor said that it is “take as needed” drug, so I don’t have to take it everyday. I told her about my decision and she was ok with it.

It was Labor Day weekend so we spent it with family and watched a lot of football. It was a good break for me to not think about work and hang out with the whole family. I felt fine this whole weekend, I did some meditation if I could and took my medicine. I don’t feel any dizziness or headaches which is good. No shaking as well.

Day 7 and I feel ok. I am back at work today. I feel a little nervous but I don’t know why. We’ll see how this day goes. More meditation music.

Day 1 – Doctor visit and Medication

I had my doctor’s appointment today. I was still a bit hesitant to go see and talk to her about my situation but I really think that this will help me. I’ve been very sad these past few days that I’ve lost energy to do anything. I am always tired and sleeping so much that I can stay in bed the whole day. I dread going to work and I have anxiety attacks just thinking about it.

I like my doctor. She’s kind and I can tell that she cares. This is one hesitation that I had about talking about my situation — how would I know that people actually care about what I am going through? With her, she’s very nice and gentle, careful with asking questions and willing to help.

I filled out a form with questions to help them gauge my mood within the last 2 weeks. I’ve filled out a form like that before and I’ve always just dismissed the questions. But this time around, it was different. Almost all of the questions applied to me. Not good.

After that, the doctor came in asking how I’m doing and why am I feeling the way I am feeling right now. I haven’t even started to say any word, I started crying, then I told my story.

Accepting the fact that I have depression and anxiety is hard. But after talking to my doctor, I felt fine. I was able to let it all out and not feel judged. She gave me a few options of what to do for the next 6 months.

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2 medications for the next 6 months. One for depression and one for anxiety. She also advised me to meditate and exercise. She has put a referral for the psychology department of the hospital that she works in. I should hear back from them within the next few days.

Just like what Robert told me, I will get better because I have a plan. I may still feel blah at work but at least I am doing something to make my situation better.

This is day 1 and this is my journey.